


Lasting Mark

by Maximumrider



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Multi, PTSD, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-07 18:16:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4273182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maximumrider/pseuds/Maximumrider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dave is trying to get over abusive experiences from his brother.<br/>Tries to handle it by himself.<br/>He can't handle it by himself<br/><br/>"it didn't make me stronger<br/>it did the opposite<br/>it made me never want to fight<br/>it made me never want to see blood or be near danger or hear metal sounds"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Btw this will have multiple chapters  
> So this is my first fic, let's hope this doesn't go terribly  
> I'm gonna apologize in advance for punctuation and such

Dave's hands tapped lightly against the table, the ring of the thin metal resonating throughout the room, which he couldn't hear due to the music blasting in his ears. Rose hadn't told him to stop it yet, so he figured it couldn't be to loud.  
His fingers pressed on the sides of his headphones, an attempt to get a clearer sound.  
Damn.  
This was one of the best ones he's done. He could get a gold medal for this shit. Karkat would be impressed this time- not that we was trying to impress him. Hell no.  
That kid had no appreciation for the art of music. He didn't deserve to listen to his totally sweet sounds. And In no way was Dave making them for him. 

  


Okay maybe a little.  
His train of thought is suddenly interrupted by someone nudging him on the shoulder. He glances up to see Rose with an impatient expression on her face, telling him that she'd been trying to get his attention.  
Her blond hair was slightly longer than before, about an inch or two. He knew she would probably ask him to cut it for her again to her usual soon. He'd been deemed the official hair cutter of the meteor, since he had taught himself how to cut his own hair when he was younger, and to be completely honest, he was pretty good at it.  
He slid off the head phones and looked up at her from his seat,  
"What's up?"  
Rose crossed her arms over her chest, blocking the light symbol printed on her GodTier dress,  
"Kanaya and I were wondering if you cared to join the conversation? We were thinking of making plans for when we reach to our destination,"  
He considered this for a moment, then waved it off, "nah. We've still got two more years for that. Maybe I'll join you after," he says.  
He gestures to his turn tables, "These beats are so sick that I'm gonna have to take them to the doctor soon."  
The Seer rolled her eyes,  
"Alright Dave. We'll be here,"  
She walked back to the other side of the table, straightening her orange outfit before sitting down next to Kanaya.  
He slid his headphones back on, fixing his glasses when they went slightly askew.  
  
He was seeming to have trouble with the next part of the song. Man he had been on a roll before Rose interrupted. He would do it someplace quieter, but he didn't really like being by himself these days. Especially with a crazed clown on the loose.  
  
A few minutes later of failed attempts, he hears a voice over the sound of his music, which was really saying something, since he always blasted it.  
He looked up to see a black haired ball of fury ranting to Kanaya and Rose. He must have walked in at some point.  
Karkat seemed really heated up about something, and he was holding his sickle. Why the hell did he have that? He could hear his voice slightly over his music, but he couldn't really make out what he was saying.  
Dave slid off his headphones.  
"Whoa Karkles what's getting your horns in twist,"  
"How many times do I have to tell you Strider, don't call me Karkles!" Karkat snaps, interrupting his own conversation with the two girls,  
"And for your information I was thinking we could actually do something like... Training or something? Instead of sitting around here on out lazy asses like we've been doing for the entire year,"  
"Karkat, maybe later. Right now Rose and I are planning," Kanaya explains gently, trying not to immediately put him down.  
"Why don't you train with Dave, he doesn't seem to be doing anything," Rose adds, looking over at Dave from across the table with a smirk.  
Dave, groans and attempts to start putting his headphones back on.  
"nah I'm busy,"  
"Dave get off your lazy ass and spar with me. I think, as the leader, I should be well prepared for what we'll encounter"  
"No"  
"Yes!"  
"The leader thing isn't really a thing anymore. It's like, not even relevant,"  
"It is so relevant! I've got to hold my ground in case someone tries to take my position. I have to lead us to victory,"  
"Good luck with that," Dave says, attempting to end the conversation by putting his headphones on.  
He had hoped he was home free when he suddenly felt a yanking on his cape. Annoyed, he took off the headphones and put them on the table. "what the hell Karkat?"  
"Dave train with me," Karkat says, pulling obnoxiously on his cape, like a little kid.  
"Hey hey whoa Karkat this is some prime cape here. Your gonna rip the damn thing."  
After much struggle, Dave managed to wrestle his cape away from the troll, then sit on it before he could grab it again.  
  
Karkat grumbled a bit, then picked up Dave's sword, which was laying on the table.  
"How the fuck do you even swing this? It weighs a fucking ton," Karkat asks, observing it closely.  
"I asked the lizards from my planet to teach me their ways," Dave states, a hint of a smirk on his lips. But all he got was a glare from the troll.  
"I feel like my sickle would snap if I even tried to face against you with this thing,"  
"Yeah well it is this big legendary piece of shi-"  
  
Suddenly Karkat started clanging the two weapons together.  
Dave flinched, his hands immediately gripping the table hard enough to turn his knuckles white. His heart beat rose quickly, and he almost shouts at Karkat, his voice strained,  
"What the fuck are you doing?"  
"I wanted to see how durable my sickle is. If we're gonna train I need to see if it can take it,"  
"We're not trainin-"  
His sentence is cut short by the troll sliding the metals of the weapons across each other, creating a long, scratchy, ssssssnnnnnc sound.  
The sound makes Dave cringe, his shoulders rising up as its volume increases.  
  
He was gonna be sick  
  
"Holy shit Karkat stop!" By the time he's done saying this, he realized he shouted. He was also standing, gaining the attention from Rose and Kanaya as well.  
Karkat looked at him with wide eyes, concern splaying across his face.  
  
He hated it.  
  
He didn't want their pity.  
  
It was suddenly way to hot. His heart was beating way to fast, as if he'd just run a marathon. The sweat building up on his neck could prove that theory too. The walls were getting more constricting, closing around his throat.  
  
He needed to get out of there.  
  
"S-sorry I just- I'm gonna go," he says, knowing he was talking way to fast. His face is hot. His mind dizzy and woozy.  
The tips of his fingers tingle, like pins constantly poking his skin.  
He leaves the room, pulling his hood over his head upon leaving so they couldn't see the paleness of his skin. He's so distracted he doesn't really process the walking.  
Just the numbness building up.  
  
Before he knows it he's reached his room, his fingers untangle through his hair so he can turn the handle.  
Once he's inside he leans against his door, sliding down slowly, his legs to weak and shaky to support him.  
  
All he can hear is his breathing. His pathetic wheezing breath, which is coming in way to short. He needed to calm down. 

~

"Get up." The taller man before him says coldly. Dave looked up at his Bro, who was holding a katana with a streak of blood on it. The stinging in his side told him that the blood was his own.  
Oh god oh god oh god.  
Before he could feel for how bad it was, the older blond shouted, his voice hard enough to cut right through the younger's hesitation.  
"GET UP."  
Dave scrambled back to standing, the stinging in his side becoming more prominent with more movement. Before he could even get into a stance, the older man was on him again, his sword a blur. It was all Dave could do to block his attacks from turning him into a shish-kabob.  
Each echoed clank of the two swords was a narrowly avoided injury.  
Dave was knocked down once again, his arm skidding against the pavement of the rooftop. His shades had been knocked off, revealing the tears welling up in his vibrant eyes.  
Bro scowled at the sight, muttering a single word before raising his sword once again on the boy, "pathetic." 

 

~

A sudden knock jolts Dave from his memories. He cheeks felt wet and he realized there were strands of hair in his hands. His stomach was churning, threatening to spill the contents of his lunch all over the floor.  
  
Stupid stupid stupid. This was so stupid. He was stupid. Everything was stupid.  
Why was he freaking out? It was just some fucking swords. He used swords all the time.  
  
Why did he have to be so pathetic?  
  
The sound of someone tentatively calling his name reminds him someone's at the door. He shakily stands up, gripping a nearby chair for support. He still felt extremely light headed.  
"Who...." He winces at how weak his voice sounds, but tries to continue anyways, "who is it?"  
"Dave? Are you okay?"  
Damn it. it's Karkat. He sounds concerned.  
"Y-yeah... O-of course I'm fine. Finer than saw dust man,"  
"Dave I'm serious,"  
  
The blond doesn't respond for a minute, resting his hand on the doorknob, but then says, "sorry for yelling at you,"  
"It's fine but that doesn't answer-"  
"Dang Karkles I didn't know you were so in Love with me,"  
"OH FUCK YOU STRIDER I AM NOT! I just wanted to know why you ran out like-"  
Dave interrupts him before he can continue on a rant,  
"I'm going to bed . G'night Karkat."  
  
A defeated sigh sounds from the other end, then a mumble which Dave could only assume was a goodnight also.  
  
The knight dragged himself up onto his bed, curling up in on himself.  
Maybe if he curled up tighter he could block out the pain.  
  
If he closed his eyes a little harder he wouldn't have to see the sword slicing his arm, his leg, or narrowly missing his neck.  
  
Everything felt numb, but painstakingly overbearing at the same time.  
He could barely hear his wheezing over the sound of clanking of swords ringing through his head.  
  
Panic ripped through his body for the rest of the night as if he were paper soaking in a puddle.  
  
He wanted it to go away, but he knew it never would.


	2. Chapter 2

Dave pushed himself up in his bed, swinging his legs over the side, causing the springs of the bed to groan in protest. Exhaustion weighed down each of his movements as if he had a ten pound weight on each limb. 

Like some prisoner. 

Sometimes, he really did feel like a prisoner. Trapped inside as his mind tortured him with images he didn't want to see anymore. 

He rubbed at his eyes, which were probably red from lack of sleep, well, more red than they already were.  
But that wouldn't be a problem. Slip of the shades and he could probably fool anyone. 

His room was dark, the only evidence of his freak out the night before being blankets strewn across the floor and a chair knocked over. This didn't take much time to fix up. 

He considered turning on the lights, but decided against it, due to his freakish horror movie eyes being sensitive to light. Turning on a light without his sunglasses was like an instant switch to a migraine, which he did _not __feel like dealing with at the moment._

The blonde stretched, his bones popping a bit in protest. Getting ready in the morning didn't take much effort, since his godtier pajamas cleaned themselves. He fixed up his hair a bit, slipped on his shades, then headed out, checking his reflection in the mirror on the way.  
Straight face.  
No weakness.  
Be cool. 

Or at least the was the image he was trying to portray.  
The image his brother beat into him, in both a literal, and figurative sense. 

He forced those thoughts out of his head. He didn't like to think about his brother these days. It always put him in a bad mood. It always made him angry.  
But not only at him. 

At himself. For not realizing what his 'guardian' had been doing to him sooner. 

He headed down the hallway, the walls around him creaking like an old rocking chair, due to the meteors constant movement. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets, his feet stepping quietly along the hard ground. He wanted to make sure he didn't wake anyone. 

And to also not draw attention from the clown he could hear softly scuffling through air ducts. 

His hand pressed softly against a door and he peeked inside before entering.  
This room was named the 'Living room' by him and Rose, since it had a big couch and t.v. that they liked to watch dumb movies on. It held a resemblance to a living room, so that's what it was. 

It also held most of the food, so usually everyone went there in the morning, even though they all didn't really talk much with one another. 

Since no one was there yet, he allowed himself to slouch a bit.  
To drop his mask.  
Save energy for when everyone else showed up. 

He picked through the muffins from the stack in the corner, trying to find one he wanted. He eventually settled for some cinnamon type of muffin, although he could never be sure. Muffins were one of the first things they had figured out how to alchemize, and the pile never stopped growing.  
The stack collapsed a bit when he picked his choice from the bottom, but after he fixed it quickly, he made his way across the room and plopped down on the couch. He stretched his legs onto the table in front of him, slowly sinking into the fluffy cushions. 

Being able to alchemize things would've made things so much simpler when he was younger.  
Bro barely kept anything edible inside the house, filling up all food capable places with swords or puppets. If Dave had wanted to eat something, he'd have to figure it out himself. 

The memories made him lose his appetite, so he only picked at the muffin, but didn't eat it. 

When he had managed to mutilate about half of his muffin, failing to eat even a crumb, Rose and Kanaya entered the room, talking softly. 

Upon them entering, he forces himself to sit a little straighter and try not to look too exhausted. 

They drift around the room a bit, deciding what they'd eat for breakfast that morning. Once they filled a plate, they headed over to him. 

"Oh hey Dave, we were just talking about you," Rose says, sitting down on the couch next to him. She said it with the tone that meant she was about to start interrogating him, a tone Dave was, unfortunately, starting to get used to. Kanaya sits down on the other side of him. 

It was almost as if they were... locking him in, so he couldn't run off.  
Alarm bells start to go off in his head. 

"Sup' Lalonde, Maryam. You ladies have any good makeouts lately? Lipstick smearing all over each other like some twelve year old's trying to do makeup at a party,"  
He says, a feeble attempt to try to turn the attention away from himself early in the game.  
Rose smiles,  
"Oh, your already nervous. You've started spouting nonsense even faster than the last time,"  
"Who the hell said I was nervous. I'm calm. Like a fucking cat. All lounging here minding my own business before you fucking hawks swooped in-"  
"You're persistant rambling answers your question yourself." 

That gets him to shut up.  
But only for a moment. 

"Is there a point to you psychoanalyzing me like I'm some newly discovered specimen under a microscope? Or do you just like to watch me squirm?" 

She leaned forward a bit so she could look him in the face. The feeling of being scrutinized only increasing. He saw in his peripheral vision Kanaya lean forward slightly as well, so anywhere he looked, he was being watched. 

This was much more than a simple interrogation.  
This was a full on Dave psychology experiment. 

"We're here to ask you about yesterday?"  
Dave groaned and rubbed his eyes from underneath his shades.  
"It's too early for this shit,"  
"Dave, it's nearly noon,"  
"Still to early,"  
"Despite the earliness I, as your Loving sister, am concerned about your little... Freak out?" 

He tried to look to his left, but only met Kanaya's observing eyes, so he settled on the ceiling.  
"Is there a point to all this?"  
"Your avoidance to respond to our statements is most peculiar," Kanaya adds almost instantly. Damn, they were getting more alike everyday. 

As much as he liked too annoy Rose with his allusiveness, the conversation was starting to edge into dangerous territory. In fact, they had already entered it. He was neck deep in it.  
He starts getting up in the middle of the next question.  
"Has the past year on this meteor worn you down?- hey where are you going?"  
"I'm gonna go chill with the mayor. Catch ya' later."  
"But we're not do-"  
He leaves before she can finish her protest, leaving his destroyed, yet uneaten muffin on the table. 

He wasn't very hungry these days anyways. 

  


After some very stimulating Can Town building with mayor, he decides leave the little guy to his chalk and tins. Can town was really growing. By the end of this trip maybe they'd have a Can World. And they would have the most responsible mayor in charge of them all.  
Dave gives him a little wave before leaving the chalk covered room.  
His hand trails along the wall as he walks, leaving a path of red from the chalk he was using. 

Like leaving a trail of blood. 

He flinched away from the wall as if it were burning hot, and stuffed his hand deep inside his pocket so he wouldn't have to look at it anymore. 

How the hell did that pop into his head? 

All he knew was that he wanted to wash this chalk off as soon as possible. 

Things like that kept happening more often, and he was starting to feel a little frayed at edges, like if he was tugged a little he would suddenly unravel. Each time it left him exhausted, but he refused to tell anyone about it. 

They'd probably just laugh at him. Assume it was one of his ironic jokes. Then he would laugh it off with him. 

As he quickly turned the corner, his pace picking up speed, he suddenly rammed face first into someone also rounding the corner. It wouldn't have been a particularly bad hit if Dave hadn't immediately backed up, causing him to get tangled in his own cape, and accidentally bringing the smaller figure down with him. 

They hit the ground with a loud thump, causing the person, which Dave had instinctively cradled his arms around protectively, to release a small,  
"Ommf." 

When Dave cracked his eyes open, the first thing he realized was that his eyesight was unshaded, instantly triggering the start of a dull headache in his head.  
He closed his eyes, and was about to pat around for his shades until he remembered the small person he had pressed against him, the cape somehow swaddling them together. 

They were warm. Like really warm. Like a fucking heater. Like if he stayed stuck in this cape cacoon any longer he'd die from heat stroke. 

They were small. Half a head shorter at least. Arms scrawny. 

He noticed that their heart was beating fast, and was slowly gaining speed. Like they were getting really angry....  
He noticed this all in the split second they hit the ground. 

And a split second later was when all hell broke loose. 

The person, which he now identified as Karkat, started kicking and shouting obscenities as if he were being attacked by a fucking shark. 

Did they have sharks on Alternia? He'd have to ask him later. 

Dave's thoughts are interrupted when the troll managed to place a kick to his stomach, then his leg, causing Dave to groan in pain. 

He tried to untangle his cape from around them by yanking it as hard as he could from Karkat, who's kicking wasn't making anything better. 

After a minute of shouts and struggling, they accomplished to escape from the cape's death grip. 

"WHAT THE FUCK STRIDER?!" 

"Whoa, if you had wanted to snuggle you could've just told me," Dave says, his eyes still shut. That probably hadn't been the smartest thing to say, but it was the first thing that had popped into his head. 

"I DID NOT WANT TO SNUGGLE WITH YOU. THAT WAS THE OPPOSITE OF SNUGGLING. THAT WAS YOU RAMMING INTO ME BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO WRAPPED UP INTO YOUR OWN LITTLE WORLD AND TAKING ME DOWN WITH YOU." 

As Dave listened to his rambling, trying to keep the amused smile off his face, he bent down, trying to discreetly feel for his sunglasses.  
"AND SECOND OF ALL HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET YOUR CAPE WRAPPED AROUND-" The troll stopped mid rant, watching Dave pat around,  
"What the fuck are you doing?"  
"Calling upon the earth spirits. C'mom join me. Maybe if we do this right they can grant us some wishes." Dave replies, his hands still sweeping the floor.  
Dave could feel the black haired boy's eyes on him, observing him. 

But for some reason this didn't feel the same as when Rose was watching him. 

"If you're looking for your dumb glasses I've got them right here." 

Dave sighs with relief and stands, sticking his hand out blindly, and hopefully, in Karkat's general direction.  
"Sweet hand'em over."  
Dave waits a moment, but the glasses aren't given back to him, so he says, his tone impatient.  
"Karkat."  
"You've got bags under you eyes." 

Dave pauses, suddenly caught off guard by his remark. His glasses usually did the job hiding the dark marks under his eyes. Since he was so pale, the marks always stood out more obviously when he didn't get enough sleep. 

He didn't like being this vulnerable. 

"Wow way to be subtle. No sugar coating with you huh? Besides, everyone on this damn meteor has bags," he adds, while trying to hide discomfort that was growing by the second. "Can I have my shades back now? Or are you gonna make me beg?" 

He half expects Karkat to put up more of a fight, or even take Dave up on his offer, but to his surprise once again, the glasses are placed in his hands. 

Dave slips them on, opening his eyes and quickly averting his gaze on anything besides Karkat, who was staring at him. 

Welp. This was awkward. 

"Well uh... I'll catch ya later,"  
Dave says, already walking away from the scene.  
"Wait fuckass. Where were you going in such a hurry?"  
"I dunno. Was probably gonna make some music or something of the sort. Go where ever the wind blows. Like John's windsock hood thing. Flyin all over the place." He pauses, then looks back at the troll, "D'you wanna come listen?"  
Karkat's face screws up a bit,  
"Why the fuck would I want to listen to your trash?"  
"It's not trash. This stuff could win me gold medals on Earth. Did you know I was a famous?"  
"Yeah right, and I was a world wide preacher, bringing equality to all," Karkat states, sarcasm practically dripping from his voice.  
"Trust me, my music has healing properties. It's known to make babies learn to dance before they can even walk,"  
"I have no idea what you're talking about,"  
"Just come and listen for a bit."  
They have a stare down for a moment, dark shades against dark eyes. Karkat finally groans, his stare breaking down into a defeated glare.  
"Sure! Why not? My day can't get any worse." 

"Dave, this is horrible,"  
"It just started now shhhh. Listen."  
Dave and Karkat were sitting at the table he had been sitting at the day before. Except this time Rose and Kanaya weren't on the other side, and Karkat wasn't ranting. 

Well, not yet anyways. 

Dave had practically dragged him in, forcing him to sit down while Dave shoved the headphones down on his head, despite the troll's loud protests about how he could put them on himself. Dave pressed play before Karkat could change his mind. 

Now Karkat was staring straight ahead, his eyes focused on the wall across the room, fingers pressed lightly against his headphones. 

Suddenly, his lip twitched, as if fighting to keep a straight face.  
Dave smirked. 

He totally Loved it. 

After a few minutes of listening, confusion bloomed across Karkats face, as if suddenly being woken up from a dream.  
"Where's the rest of it? It was cut short," he says, sounding disappointed.  
Dave sighs,  
"I can't think of a next part." 

Karkat frowned slightly, pulling down the headphones so they were hanging around his neck.  
"Well... It wasn't..."  
It seemed like he was struggling to get this out. Like he was about to say something he really didn't want to.  
"Wasn't... What?"  
"Wasn't horrible." 

Dave grinned, eyebrows lifted into a smug expression. 

Mission accomplished. 

"You Loved it. Don't deny it."  
"Shut your fucking face hole and get that look off your face. It's not even finished."  
Karkat slid the headphones back over his ears,  
"Play the last part again," 

Dave gave him a confused glance, but did what he asked. Karkat closed his eyes, his face scrunched up in focus.  
Suddenly, Karkat forces Dave to move over a bit by nudging him over. Karkat now stood in front of the turntables.  
"Can I... Try something?" Karkat asks, his eyes focused on the buttons in front of him.  
"Uh... Sure go ahead." Dave says, still not a hundred percent sure what he was doing. 

Dave watched as his grey colored hands drifted over the controls, pressing the buttons hesitantly, as if he didn't want it to explode.  
There were moments when he'd pause, his eyes squeezing shut as he listened to the pounding music. Dave would take these moments to look at him. Like really look at him. 

He noticed that he would bite his lip when he was thinking, his pointed teeth somehow not puncturing through his skin.  
His eyebrows would scrunch together when he was confused about the machine, trying to find the control that would suit his needs.  
His hair was getting a bit long, tufts of it skimming just near his jaw. Dave knew Kanaya would drag him to Dave soon so he could cut the troll's hair for him, even though he had thoroughly denied Dave's offer the first time around. 

Twenty minutes later the troll shoves him a bit,  
"Listen."  
Dave lifted his head from the table and slid the headphones on when they're handed back to him.  
Before he could even ask what Karkat did, he presses play for him. 

Karkat stares at him, waiting for an expression. 

Dave listened, his puzzlement growing as the song played as normal.  
"Karkat, what-"  
He's caught off guard when the music continues from where he left off. 

Holy shit. 

Dave fails to keep a straight expression, disbelief crossing his features as he listens to the part Karkat added to his unfinished piece. 

It wasn't perfect. But with a only few minor tweaks, this could be really damn good. 

He looks at Karkat, then gives him a thumbs up, mouthing the words,  
"Really good." 

Karkat pumps his fist.  
It was actually really adorable when he got excited like that. 

A few hours later, Dave is exhausted, and by Karkat's constant yawning, he can tell he is too.  
They'd been creating music for hours, both of them working together like cogs in a clock.  
The music they created was, Dave had to admit, pretty good. 

Or at least he hoped. Sometimes when he was exhausted, his music sounded amazing, then in the morning it sounded horrible. 

But he felt like these weren't one of those times. 

They both came to an unspoken agreement and stood up, heading out of room, chatting tiredly.  
They agreed that in the morning they would try and alchemize headphones they could share so they could listen at the same time. 

They would definitely be doing this more. 

He was surprise to find that he liked making music with Karkat. Whenever Dave couldn't think of another part, Karkat started spitting out ideas, which got the motor running again. 

Karkat broke off first and headed into his room, offering Dave a small wave before closing the door. 

Once Dave made it to his room he immediately flopped onto his bed, not even bothering to take off his sunglasses. 

He slept much better that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay sweet. Two chapters down.  
> I decided to take it easy since the last chapter was sorta intense, but don't worry it'll pick up in the next chapter! This chapter was a bit hard to write, since there wasn't much going on. Hope you still enjoyed it :)  
> I also finally figured out how to use italics on this thing


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of bickering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I've been real busy and this chapter is much longer, so it took a bit of time to write.

"Karkat what's this missing?" Dave asked, replaying the current song he was working on.  
The troll stopped drawing for a moment to listen through the shared headphones, "some talent,"  
"Hey, I've got boat loads of talent. They bring that stuff in navy ships. Hell, I've got more talent than the guy who painted the fucking Mona Lisa. Actually the Mona Lisa was really creepy, so yeah I've definitely got more talent than that guy..."  
Dave's rambling trailed off as he watched Karkat start messing with the song, carefully turning dials and pushing buttons. 

The two of them could usually be found sitting at this table, brainstorming new music, or just chilling together while Karkat tried to improve his 'drawing skills'. After they had found they shared a common interest, Dave discovered he got along well with the troll. 

Well, when he wasn't being a complete pain in the ass.  
And when Dave wasn't being an asshole. 

Once Karkat was done adjusting the song, he returned to his drawing.  
The knight tried to peek at it, but his grey arm cupped around his paper.  
He got a weird sense of déjà vu from when he went to school. The annoying kid who used to sit next to him always blocked her answers from his view, like how Karkat was doing now. Damn she always made it hard to cheat, even with his shades. 

But she was dead now, so he figured it didn't matter. 

That thought made him uncomfortable. And he knew he couldn't stop the onslaught of thoughts that would happen next, no matter how much he tried to fight them off. 

But... maybe he could have saved them?  
Maybe he could have been a hero and finally have made his brother proud of him for once in his fucking life. Could have been good enough for him. 

No, he reminded himself. He didn't want to be a hero. He didn't want to make his brother proud.  
And by being good enough for Bro would have meant he had turned into someone he didn't want to be. 

"Dave you're always yelling at me for wrinkling your cape and there you go balling it up in your hands,"  
"What?"  
The blonde looked down to see his hands clenched into fists, the cape wrapped around his fingers, which had turned white from the lack of circulation. 

He took a deep breath, trying to ignore how shaky and loud it was, before releasing the soft fabric from his grip. 

"Holy shit are you okay?" Karkat asked as he watched the scene before him. He eyed Dave with a look of confusion, "If you hated my adjustments to the song that much you could've just said so." 

Dave shook his head quickly, "no no what you added sounded great. Its not the song,"  
"Then what the hell was that about?" 

Dave sighed and rubbed at his eyes from underneath his glasses, "what was what about?"  
"Your breathing is all shaky and now your face is pale- well paler than all you humans look." 

Dave released a small laugh, hoping it would make him not look as weak as he suddenly felt, "it's nothing,"  
Karkat gave him a glare, "Nothing my ass," 

He needed to change the subject. He didn't like being put on the spot like this.  
He looked around the room in a attempt to distract himself, and his eyes landed on Karkat's paper, temporarily forgotten.  
"What's that your drawing?"

Karkat's eyes widened and he scrambled to cover the paper as fast as he could, "NOTHING."  
"Nothing my ass," Dave responded, mocking the troll's previous comment, "C'mom lemme see." 

Karkat seemed to hesitate for a moment, then he locked eyes with the blonde, "No." Karkat raised a hand and pointed a finger at him, "And we're not changing the subject that easil-" 

Dave took his chance and swiped the drawing from underneath his hands. It reminded him of one of those magic tricks with the table sheet and the magician pulls the sheet from underneath all the silverware. 

He tried that once when he was younger.  
It hadn't worked. 

Dave looked at the paper, getting ready to start teasing him about it, then froze. 

Was that... Him? 

The drawing was of him looking down at his turn tables, one hand resting on the them, and the other pressed against one of the headphones in his ears. He looked calm and concentrated, totally focused on the task in front of him. 

Did he... really look like that? 

"Y'know if you just wanted me to be your model I could have stripped down and-"  
"GET. OUT." Karkat interrupted, his cheeks red with rage, his breathing coming in heaving breaths through his teeth.  
"Karkat I-"  
"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT. I DONT WANT TO FUCKING HEAR ANOTHER SNARKY COMMENT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH."  
"No but seriously I like it,"  
"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU-" Karkat stopped suddenly, registering what Dave had said.  
"You... What?" Karkat stared at him in confusion, still heaving from his explosion.  
"I like it. It's nice." Dave responded carefully, not wanting to set the troll off again.  
Dave brought the drawing a bit closer to his eyes, and realized something off about it.  
In the drawing he didn't have his shades.  
"Where are my glasses? Wait... Are my eyes blue?" Dave asked, observing the drawing closer.  
Karkat snatched the drawing from Dave's hands, crinkling it slightly in the process.  
"Yes they are."  
"Why'd you do that?"  
"Because I felt like it! I didn't want to draw the shades."  
"Why not?"  
"Because you look like less of any idiot without them!" Karkat snapped, his voice starting to rise again, "now are you done questioning me?"  
"Maybe," Dave snagged the drawing again to look at it. 

He refused to believe he looked better without his shades. They were his signature.  
"Why'd you choose blue?"  
"Because I don't know the real color of your eyes, so I took a random guess."  
Dave released a snort. If only they were some normal color. "Well they're not blue,"  
"Well then what color are they?"  
"Nu-uh man. You need to reach my level of cool before you get to see these babies." Dave replied, gesturing to his eyes. 

He unplugged the headset and starting wrapping them up around his hand.  
"I'm gonna grab something to eat, you gonna join?"  
"Fine."  
They headed out of the room, and once Karkat had snatched the drawing back he folded it up and stuffed it into his pocket.  
"Are they brown?"  
"Nooooooope." Dave replied with a smirk, "you'll never know."  
"Green?"  
"Hah. No."  
"Hazel?"  
"Nope" 

Karkat looked at him frustrated, "are you one of those super specific people who are like 'blue green with a hint of amber, and a golden ring around the Iris'" Karkat said, doing a horrible imitation of Dave that sounded nothing like him.  
"No. And why'd you give me a southern accent?"  
"Because you sometimes have one when you start rambling," 

Dave suddenly felt his face start to heat up. 

shit.  
Did he really do that? 

"Do not," he replied, crossing his arms, trying to resist the urge to pull his hood to cover his face.  
"Do fucking too." Karkat said.  
He had this dumb grin on his face, as if he was proud of himself for making Dave all flustered like this. 

"Do not. Just because I was raised in Texas doesn't mean I'm going to have a southern accent. Did Rose tell you to say that so that it'll have some reverse phycology effect or something so I start talking in an accent or did you come up with this plan on your own? And I don't ramble. Rambling is for people who have no self control and- FUCK."  
Dave froze mid-rant when he noticed a hint of a southern drawl in his voice. 

Karkat burst into laughter, his voice ringing throughout the hallway. Dave glared at him, hoping Karkat could tell through his glasses.  
"Shut the fuck up,"  
The troll continued laughing, soon doubling over and needing to lean against the wall for a minute. 

Dave fought the smile edging at his lips. Damn his contagious laugh. His adorable contagious laugh. The laugh that made the redness blooming in his cheeks grow more rapidly. 

He fails to fight the smile and softly shoves Karkat a bit, "oh shut up."  
Karkat, still attempting to recover from his laugh attack, shoves him back.  
"No way. I am going to enjoy this moment, that way I'll remember it for the rest of my life," Karkat raised his arms and spread them out as if he was reading a sign, "The day Dave was even more lame than he normally is."  
Karkat fell into more laughter, although not as loud this time. A soft snicker as he held his stomach.

"Wow Karkles, I didn't know you found me so funny," Dave says, hoping to annoy the troll a bit.  
"Oh stop it with the dumb nickname. And I don't think you're funny, I find you hilariously idiotic."  
"Still hilarious though,"  
"Uh-Huh. Sure Strider. Whatever helps you sleep at night." Karkat says, heading into the 'living room'. 

Dave follows him in, glancing around before starting to browse the foods that was alchemized that day. 

Eh... He wasn't really hungry. 

Rose and Kanaya sat on the couch, probably talking about troll romance or something like that. Rose had decided she wanted to learn about it, so they were usually found with Kanaya giving a lesson. 

Dave stalked over and put an elbow on the top of the couch, resting his face in his hand, "sup ladies,"  
"Hello Dave. I've barely seen you lately. What have you been up to?" Kanaya asks. Although it was a normal question, the tone of her voice implied she knew exactly what he was up to.  
"Oh y'know. The usual. Mixing some beats. Chillin with the mayor. Shit like that,"  
Rose grins a bit and adds quietly, "spending an awful lot of time with Karkat." 

Dave narrows his eyes at them, even though he knew they couldn't see it, "We're just hangin out. Nothing special,"  
"What's nothing special?"  
Karkat asks, pulling a chair over to join the conversation. He turns it backwards and sits on it with his arms resting on the back part of it. 

Dave sighs, "Karkat... What are you doing?"  
The boy stared confused for a moment before responding, "What?"  
"Why are you sitting like that?"  
"Because it's comfortable,"  
"It's weird,"  
"Why does it fucking matter?" Karkat snaps, the volume of his voice starting to rise.  
"Because you're making me uncomfortable,"  
"How the hell am I making you uncomfortable?! I'm not even-"  
"I don't mean to interrupt your... Bickering," Rose says, a hint of annoyance in her voice, "but Kanaya and I were in the middle of something. You two can continue your relationship as  
kismesises in the hallway." 

That gets them to shut up.  
But only for a moment. 

"WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK I WOULD NEVER BE IN ANY SORT OF RELATIONSHIP WITH DAVE. HE'S A FUCKING ASSHOLE." Karkat says, his face slowly turning darker shades of red while his hands gestured around wildly. 

Whether the redness was from anger or embarrassment, Dave couldn't tell. 

The knight turned towards Rose, "Wait Kissmesis is the Love one right?"  
The overly loud groan sounding from Karkat let him know that he was horribly wrong. Dave raised his hands defensively in Karkat's direction, "What? It has the word KISS in it. I didn't think it was a bad guess?"  
"To put it simply, Kismesissitude is the hate one." Rose says, glancing at Kanaya as if she wanted to check if she got it right. 

Dave thought about it for a moment. He didn't hate Karkat.  
Actually he had been starting to think they might've been becoming... Friends?  
Well friends was a strong word. More like acquaintances. 

"But I don't hate Karkat. Sure he's annoying as hell sometimes but I don't hate him."  
Karkat gave him a weird look, like he just spoke a foreign language or something.  
Rose blinked, "oh. I thought... Alright." 

This situation was getting a bit too awkward for him. Everyone was was acting way to weird.  
"Well I'm gonna go. You guys enjoy your troll romance talk or whatever." He says, shoving his hands into his pockets before absconding the room. 

~

He laid on his back in the middle of CanTown, listening to the soft scraping of The Mayor scribbling with his chalk. The Mayor never acted weird or unpredictable, unlike some people.  
He really liked The Mayor

He pulled his cape around himself, starting to get a bit tired. It was probably really late. He decided he'd just close his eyes for a bit, then he'd drag himself to his room. But just for a bit. 

~

_"Stop crying you fucking baby,"_  
"I'm not."  
_"You are I can see you're snotty tears underneath your shades," Bro sat on the couch, jamming buttons on the game controller, an almost empty beer on the table next to him._

_You sit next to him, tenderly taking care of the slices Bro had left you with a few minutes before. You just had a strife, which didn't end well._

_Which meant another week of wearing long sleeves and pants again._

_You couldn't help the tears squeezing out of your eyes every time you tended to a gash, trying not to get woozy at the sight of your own blood._

_"I said stop your fucking crying and man up." Bro says, not taking his eyes off the game in front of him, "no one likes a wimp. Maybe we should head back up and have another strife. You're fighting isn't progressing as quickly as I want it to." The elder took a long sip from the beer beside him, finishing the rest of it off._

_You don't respond, wrapping your arms around your stomach, then squeezing slightly at the thought of having to do another fight._

_You feel panic start to creep into your veins. You'd been having panic attacks more often, something you've been trying to fight against._

_Bro has been fighting it to. Hoping to beat the attacks out of you._

_Make you stronger._

_It starts with some heavy breathing, a slight wheeze edging each strangled breath. You can feel the blood draining out of your face, and the nausea growing in your stomach._

_Bro hears your wheezing and suddenly pauses the game. He turns to you slowly, "Dave. Stop."_

_You shake your head. You try to stop. You hold your breath, but it doesn't work._

_It's getting worse._

_You can't even talk. You run your hands through your hair, maybe to be casual, but you end up grabbing a few hairs instead._

_You're gonna die. You know it. You can feel your heart wanting to pound right through your chest._

_A white stinging pain suddenly erupts on the side of your face.  
When you open your eyes again you sees the floor underneath you. _

_"What did I say Dave?! You couldn't do this one thing for me could you? I fucking feed you, give you a bed, give you clothes, and this is how you repay me?"_  
_When you look up from the ground, Bro is stand above you, dangerously close to your head._  
_"I try so hard to help you. You little brat."_  
_You tried to scramble back, but nothing could stop the kick to your gut._

~

Dave wakes up to the sound of someone yelling, and after a moment, he realizes it's himself.  
He sits upright, gripping his stomach as it heaved. 

He felt chalk beneath his fingers, so he must still be in can town, but The Mayor must have left a while ago. 

He struggled to stand up, furiously wiping the tears raining down his face. 

Nonononononono. 

He managed to get to his feet, his feet and hands having the sensation of falling asleep. 

Sweat soaked his back and matted the hair on his forehead, which was making him feel really gross. 

He slowly took steps down the hallway, barely even processing where he was going. He was mostly focusing on not dying. 

He tried to remind himself that he wasn't in any danger, so why was he panicking? 

Because you're a baby that's why. Your brother was right. You're a disappointment. You're a waste of time. 

You have all the time, but you're the biggest fucking waste of it all. 

Those thoughts were accompanied by his loud breathing, as he struggled to bring air into his lungs. 

He could see darkness clouding around the edges of his sight and slowly sunk to the ground, resting his back against the wall. 

He was gonna die. 

 

**Karkat**

Karkat's eyes fluttered open, meeting the soft lighting of his room. He never liked to sleep in complete darkness, so he had a dim light on. 

He refused to tell anyone about it though, since have a light on at night was usually for younger trolls. 

He turned his head, eyes scanning the drawings he had taped to the wall across from him. 

Many of them were of the people on the meteor, many consisting of Kanaya since she was willing to sit still enough for him to draw her. 

He unwillingly looked at some of his recent drawings, a new trend popping up in the collection. 

Dave. Fucking. Strider. 

Hey, it wasn't Karkat's fault Dave sat almost perfectly still, giving him the perfect model. 

He would have to take them down soon. If that asshole found any of these, the troll would probably drown in Dave's smugness. 

He was about the curl back up, when he heard something outside his door. 

Karkat froze, then stood up cautiously, padding over to the door. He opened the door quietly and peeked his head outside, his heart beat picking up. 

He could hear someone breathing really hard.  
No that didn't even count as breathing.  
They were hyperventilating.  
He could even hear a slight mumble once in a while, but couldn't understand it.

Karkat headed towards the sound, gripping the sleeves of his shirt nervously. 

He suddenly spotted a dark shape curled up against the wall, growing and shrinking dramatically with each heaving breath. 

The dark haired boy inched closer, still unable to make out the person in the dark lighting. 

Once he was close enough, he recognized the red cape that was wrapped tightly around the person. 

No way. 

"Dave?"  
He didn't expect Dave to flinch that hard.  
"Go..." Dave wheezed out, trying to start a sentence, "Away...."  
The Knights words were hardly understandable, since he could barely speak above a strangled whisper. 

Karkat's eyes widened slightly, "oh shit." He now noticed the wetness of the blondes face, the way his whole body trembled as he pulled the cape tighter around himself, one hand tangling itself in his hair. 

This was bad. 

"I said..." Dave started again, "leave me... The fuck alone..." Dave swore quietly to himself as his voice broke, returning to his quick gasps. 

Karkat scooted closer, then gently started rubbing the other's back.  
He could feel Dave tense up underneath his touch, his muscles winding up even tighter than they already were. 

Karkat started whispering softly to him, in hopes to calm him down, "Dave you're okay... You're gonna be okay." 

Dave seemed to relax slightly, hiding his face between his knees. 

The troll gently took the hand gripping his blonde hair, most definitely ripping some pieces out, and unwound it from his locks. 

"You're not in any sort of danger," he continued to whisper to him as he started to gently pull at the cape Dave had cocooned himself in.  
"None of this is your fault." 

He finally managed to unwrap Dave, taking his hands so the blonde could no longer grip at his hair or scratch at his skin. 

Karkat had learned that human skin was slightly more irritable than troll skin, so he knew scratching wasn't good for it. 

Dave still refused to show his face and was shaking terribly. The troll had never seen him in such a state before and it worried him. 

But the thing that worried him most, was that this might've been going on without anyone knowing. 

Karkat slid his arms around Dave's slim figure, trying to not be to awkward. He wasn't used to being this 'gentle', but he figured he was doing an okay job. 

Dave tensed up at the touch, and for a moment Karkat thought he would shove him away, but then the blonde sunk into his arms. He buried his face into Karkat's shoulder, breathy sobs shaking through his body. 

Karkat held him until he started to calm down, his hyperventilating finally returning to a steady inhale and exhale. 

After a moment Karkat looked down at the boy, who was still hanging onto him tightly.  
"Dave?" Karkat asked, unsure what else to say.  
He wanted to ask a million other questions, like: what the fuck was that about? Are you okay? Does this happen often? Why did that happen? Does anyone know? 

But he decides against it, not wanting to overwhelm him. 

Dave responds with an incoherent mumble, shifting slightly.  
"Is there anything... I can maybe do?" Karkat suggested. He felt dave shake his head, producing a sigh from the troll. 

He really wanted to help, but he could tell Dave didn't want to talk about anything at the moment. 

They sat there for a few more minutes, then Karkat pulled back a bit. Dave seemed resistant to let go, but eventually did, looking away almost immediately. 

"C'mon... Let's get your mind off things." Karkat took Dave's hands, then stood up, trying to help the other to his feet. 

Dave stood, then wobbled for a moment, almost collapsing from pure exhaustion, but managed stabilized himself. 

Karkat led him down the hall, sending worried glances towards Dave, who he still refused to show his face. 

He tried to be quiet as they passed other people's rooms, not wanting to wake anyone. He didn't think Dave would be able to handle it if anyone else saw him in this state. 

Dave seemed detached, almost like he had gone numb to everything around him. Karkat definitely wasn't getting answers from him tonight. 

Karkat continued to lead him through the meteor, until the food room came up. Dave and Rose insisted on calling it 'the living room', which made absolutely no sense to Karkat.  
There wasn't anyone living in the room, so why was it called that? 

He pushed open the door, peaking inside to make sure no one had already occupied it. 

He always made sure to check, since one time he accidentally interrupted Rose and Kanaya. 

He didn't like to think about that. 

Once he was sure it was vacant, he brought Dave over to the couch, forcing him to sit down.  
He browsed the movies from the stack on the side, picked one he figured they both might like, then started playing it. 

He then sat down next to Dave, who had already curled up on his side of the couch. 

 

After about a half hour into the movie, Dave already seemed to be doing better.  
He was no longer trying to curl in on himself, and now sat with his legs hanging loosely over the side. 

Karkat glanced at him, able to see long lashes behind his sunglasses. 

That idiot. What if Dave had been going through this for a while now? That day when Dave had shouted at him after he had insisted to train with him... Had that day ended like this? And what had set him off? Was it the whole troll romance thing? Karkat doubted it, but he couldn't really be sure.  
A thousand questions swirled in his head, making it impossible to actually focus on the movie, but he knew he would have to wait. 

"Thanks...." 

If Dave had spoken any softer Karkat was sure he wouldn't have heard it. 

Karkat sighed, putting a hand softly on his arm. 

"Yeah... No problem..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright hoped you guys enjoyed it so far. I plan to try to write the next chapter faster

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you've liked it so far, and lemme know what you think In the comments and if you want leave critique so that I can work on some stuff (and possibly suggestions :) )


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